Rain break

It just started raining. The trees are swaying and the pattering against the windows, walls and railings sounds like a wind chime. So pretty. My dog's not going to like it though. She needs to walk once the rain stops.

I'm back to writing. It's slow going. I'm on the third or forth version of the same scene I've been working on for over a week. Last night I started a new story to distract myself and prove that I could get a hundred words in. I made it to five hundred. This one's a suspense though. I wanted to go in a completely different direction and practice external conflict more.

But I'm going to refocus on CBG today. I think if I let myself get swept up in another story, I risk having two incomplete works on hand. Discipline in this arena is good.

Wow, it's pouring down now. Poor doggie. I should have taken her out sooner. Ah, it's slowing down again. No, typed that too soon.

I caught the last half of the Jersey Housewives reunion. Is that show bananas or what? Must catch the repeat this evening! Sarah's House is coming up in a few minutes on Fine Living. She's got fabulous taste.

Rain stopped again.

A mind shift is needed

June has been an unsettling, bad-news month so far. Subsequently, writing has taken a backseat because it feels self-indulgent. It's also become a frustrating microcosm of the other areas of my life: I'm not making the progress I think I should be making; the way isn't clear. (So much for the escapism of it.) That's when I question the point of staying up past 1 in the morning tapping away on the keyboard. You can liken it to the tree falling in the forest and no one hears it--does it count?

But someone left the following comment a few days ago: "This story, your writing, it's just beautiful. The emotion that just seems to pour from the text as I'm reading is truly breath-taking. I've laughed, I've gotten choked up. Absolutely beautiful."


That was like someone offering a hand to pull me up. Upon reading the comment, I grabbed the flash drive and did a rewrite. Chapter five should be called: 'Agony'. My appreciation for published authors has deepened more and more.

I've got a few quiet days this week (fingers crossed that the plumbing and the household fix its are resolved) and one of my favorite writers sent in new material to edit, which is a treat and inspiring too. Hopefully, I'll get some decent sleep and regroup. I sure need it.

Where I'm going

The following quote by Erich Fromm captures the heart of Sascha's journey. It's one we all take. Some of us find our way faster than others.

Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.

Revisiting Point of View

It's late. I had planned to get some writing time in but seeing that I have to be up early, it's a bad idea. A headache's coming on and staring at computer glare is a no-no. Feeling disappointed and a bit guilty because I wrote but two days this week and went to bed almost at 2am every night. Sometimes later because I was doing research. (Rereading books and blogs on writing) . StillI need the rest.

I've been reintroduced to the principles surrounding good point-of-view (POV) techniques. Up until now it was something I did instinctively then that got mixed in with how other writer's did it. I'm delving more into "hows" and "whys" and as I do this, I see it's an area for improvement. Chapter five of CBG will be my first go at a more disciplined approach to POV. It also means format changes for the previous chapters. Yep, I'm still a youngin when it comes to this writing thing.

When the draft is completed, and I go to edit mode, I'll be looking to see if my POVs add tension, reveal underlying dynamics and convey info that can't be achieved through dialogue and beats, and if the scene doesn't "belong" to one character. I think this will help in finding my voice and avoiding the rookie trap of deferring to what another author has done in the past--just because I haven't studied a particular topic enough to make my own choice on what to do.

Chapter five is looking to be a 2 chapters in1. Yikes!

Based on the outline, the two need to be linked to create a balanced pace and show the passage of time. Separated, they seem to dangle. It would be alright in a complete book where the reader could just read on but since the story is being written and posted in installments, it's best to tackle the material in one go.

Right now it looks like CBG's not going past ten chapters. The ending I've had in mind still rings true. For now it's going to be ambiguous/open.

On the nights that ran too late to grab the flash drive and start writing, I mitigated my guilt by editing my playlist. Yep, I tried to fool myself into believing I was being productive. One of the readers at Lit has suggested songs to listen check out. I love that!

The Pens totally gave away game 5 (and if you're a hockey fan, you know winning game five is a blessing). Yeah, the Wings played well but it wasn't so much that they won the game with their play, as much as the Pens lost it. Watching the game was a buzz kill. And do I hate the hockey coverage on NBC. Thank you Gary Betteman for turning the game into an afterthought when it comes to media coverage. You can literally blink and miss an ESPN hockey update while basketball gets extensive pre-game and post-game coverage. Let me not talk about football.

My computer's giving me 'tude so I better vamoose soon.

Inked

Isn't odd how once your mind is preoccupied with a certain idea that it keeps popping up in your daily life?

I've taken more notice of tattoos because of Noah in CBG and I'm surprised just how prevalent they are. The thing that has struck me most is there is no longer a "type" of guy who has them. The guy running shirtless--thanks for the view. The yuppie-ish dad pushing his toddler daughter in a stroller during a grocery store run. A lot of the patterns peeking out from shirtsleeves seem to be the result of the nineties barbed-wire armband craze. I wonder if they regret commiting something that's so prevalent now that it's no longer "cool".

It's funny how fashion and styles evolve in that the projected image changes. When I was growing up, tatoos were a rite of rebellion, now it's body art.

Where I'm at

I was up until 3am. Got into the second scene of chapter five. I didn't fall asleep until after 4am and had that groggy, I've-just-woken-up feeling for the first three hours of my day. I felt like I was coming down with a cold or something. Most likely it's my messed up sleep schedule that's got me feeling lethargic.

I had the idea of getting up a few hours earlier in the morning to write because the ideas come to me often during the day. By the time I do get to sit down and write, it takes me a while to get my head in that mode. Also there might be less distractions in the morning.

Alas, I'm not a morning person. But I want to give it a go and see. I'm going to have to reset my sleep clock and start going to bed earlier so that I can wake up fresh to do a morning write.

The Wings just won the Western Conference. Ugh. Not unexpected though. I thought the Stanley Cup would be a rematch of last year's, despite hoping the Ducks would've eliminated the Wings. The Pens really came out strong this year and have looked better as a team as they advanced. I'm hoping for a reverse of last year's outcome.

Okay, I better work on the chapter.

Escaping into the open.

I don't like the word Writer's Block. Part of me believes that if a writer uses that term, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I can only speak from my experience, but in that funk that other folks call a block, I'm actually writing. And thinking about what I want to write. And turning ideas over in my head. The problem? It's the inner voice of judgment, that rejects the ideas and words as not good enough. But I'm right there at the keyboard tapping away or scribbling in my myriad notebooks.

I've been in a funk throughout Cherry Blossom Girl. Or maybe I'm just a slow writer. Really slow. It started towards the end of Kismet and its continuation was quite unexpected. The idea for CBG had been drafted and stored in a Word file since February 2008. I'd learned from my mistakes in Kismet and was really gung-ho about starting Sascha's story. But then I got into knit-picking and agonizing over every word. So from late September to March, I got about 2 1/2 chapters done.

In the last month or so, I've come to the realization that I needed to give that up and just write out my ideas. I guess I'm anal or stubborn, take your pick, because it's like trying to quit smoking.

During the peak of my frustration, I got Escaping into the Open by Elizabeth Berg. I haven't finished it yet becauseI focused on finishing chapter four, but it's a supportive conversation. It's not a tutorial per se but there are anecdotes and shared wisdoms that are comforting. It's like sitting down and spending an afternoon having tea with a wise friend. She did address the whole WB issue (notice I'm not using the term) and she doesn't call it that either. She made it feel like a natural part of the ebb and flow and that one should just have faith that the creative energies will return.

The wonderful thing I've gotten out of Literotica is the support and encouragement from readers and especially from other writers I've become friendly with. You don't feel like a nut when you go on about a particular scene, your struggles and concerns have merit.

Berg gave a story about a book she was contracted to write, one she had reservations about. Then she got a sign, can't remember what it was, and it turned out to be great. I do believe in those things so it made me smile that a bestselling author as believes that the universe sends about it's signs. Last week, Oprah had a guest named Noah. And some other things have appeared as well.

I came upon an interview Nora Roberts did for Borders that came as a cosmic nudge. She doesn't believe in muses. Well, no wonder I always feel like my muse is on the train I keep missing. In writing this all down, a thought just dawn on me. Labels and constructs can be very confining. So I'm doing my best to escape into the open.